Marked Safe in the Suburbs

A Gated, Un-Gated Reality, Motherhood in Your 30s + Signature Style

My Gated, Un-gated Reality

I’m writing this from the safety of my suburb. As a black woman with two black kids that is absolutely important to me and I don’t feel bad about it. My daughter just turned one and I was talking with a girlfriend about motherhood and how motherhood is now that I have a daughter. One thing I know for sure is my 30s have brought me more clarity than ever. I’m sure about myself and I pray that my kids see that in me.

Confident. Sure. Faithful. It doesn’t mean I’m not uncomfortable, but in the face of discomfort, I’m still confident, sure and faithful.

The month of June overall has been so rewarding and fulfilling and on the 30th, as I write this, I cannot help but reflect on what’s coming next. In a time when so much feels and looks extremely uncertain, I’m focusing on what I can control and enjoying life to the fullest. I want both of my kids to have a cup running over mom. I don’t want to wait until my cup is empty and bone dry before I start checking back in with myself.

Living in the suburbs has helped me regulate my mental health and overall living experience in a way I didn’t know I needed. Before kids, it was important to me and I loved it, but now that I have kids and we’re in this climate of the world, keeping them as safe as possible, without sheltering them is the highest priority on my list. I don’t feel bad for loving the suburbs. I don’t feel bad for walking around with my head held high, designer sunglasses on, Nuna stroller in tow. Is it a privilege? Of course, but is it MY privilege to enjoy, YEAH. Is it my privilege for my kids to enjoy? Yeah, this is all they know.

On Kids in Your 30s

Speaking of my kids, I know that women often feel scared to have children in their 30s or later. I used to be her. Thinking I was going to be 27, married, with 2 1/2 kids and thriving in all areas of my life. While that is some people’s reality, I’m so glad it wasn’t mine. I met 2 Jasmine’s this month, probably 3, but 2 I for sure remember. Jasmine #1 was in her late 20s and asked how I felt having kids in my 30s and I told her it is so much better now then it would have been (for me) had I had kids earlier. There is a different kind of knowing in your 30s and I’m sure in older age. There is a different kind of confidence. Some may have it in their 20s, I definitely had a level of confidence, but 30 year old me is not the same. 34 year old me to be specific.

If you’re feeling like you’re behind or feeling like you are late because you haven’t had kids yet, don’t stress. The moment you do have your babies, you’ll be so happy, the timing will be perfect and everything, including boundaries and instincts will kick in overtime. You’ll be just fine. Are you ever ready ready for kids, nah. Will you be more confident, sure and faithful to the journey. Yeah I would say so.

On Signature Style

I was on IG, as I usually am and Dasha, (@TheBrokeBlackGirl on IG) posted about having a Signature Style in her 30s. Having a signature style is not new to me considering I’m a self proclaimed minimalist and often joke that I wear a uniform. However, now that I’ve gone through the month of June, reflected back on what I’ve posted and worn these past 6 months and then some, I realize that I have a signature style. Not only do I have one, I’m even more hard pressed to nail it down as a mama 1 year postpartum.

In a time where we’re so thirsty to be like the next person, style our homes the exact same, hair the exact same, everything the exact same. I’m so proud of myself for sticking to what works for me. That has ultimately made me memorable and unique in my own way. The way it’s supposed to be for each of us. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying don’t be influenced, I’m not saying you can’t wear the same lipstick or shoes as someone. Nothing is new under the sun, but constantly letting someone else tell you or fuel that in you, TO ME, is the reason why so many of us are confused about who we are, what we want to wear and ultimately what our style is.

Social media has us all over the place. We do things because we see others doing it and see it working for them, not realizing or understanding that it works for them for a reason. If more of us took time to uncover what works for us, we wouldn’t be so pressed.

To elaborate more, Dasha mentioned having a signature hairstyle, signature nail color, signature undergarments, signature shoes, a signature fragrance. Pretty much everything and I could not agree more. I have one place that I buy bras from. I have limited places where I’m getting skincare and body care options. As a creator, I love that because these are the things that become associated with me and my life.

If you’ve been following me for at least 6 months, you know I’m wearing a high waist jean and a mule at least 1x a week if not more. You know that I wear my hair slicked back with my long ponytail. You know that I’m a Summer Fridays girlie through and through. Necessaire. My jumbo Chanel. You know that’s me. I want to have my signature style so tight that nothing I do feels out of place or out of wack. That shared, I’ve decided that going forward my goal is going to be to help women & postpartum mamas nail their own signature style.

What’s funny is this really hit home for me when I decided I was getting long blinged out nails for our family vacation that we took 2 weeks ago. I literally cut them down and got them taken off 3 days later and it just solidified the fact that, long nails are not my thing like they used to be. I hope a lot more people have those moments for themselves. Do I want this because I see it, because it looks great on Pinterest or because it’s actually me? I don’t want a bunch of things, I just want the right things. The things that make Jazmyn, Jazmyn.

I pray you take the time to uncover what makes your life special.